BOTH THEIR LIVES FLASHED BEFORE THEIR EYES.

my father is going to die.
or so they say.
his days are numbered.

how do i feel?
honestly?
i'm prefectly fine.

honestly.
i prefer him to pass on faster.
because as a good daughter, i would want him to suffer less.
for him to pass on in the least painful way possible.
but some people might want to argue with me saying that i should be by his side and journey with him through his numbered days.
i can't imagine him like that.
you know what i mean?
he's supposed to be healthy as any 53 year old man might be, talking rubbish and able to do what he wants to do with a metal leg.
not a man who is skinny, sickly, with greyish skin tones and on his deathbed.
i'd like to keep a healthy image of my father in my mind.
thank you very much.


the reason why i dont want to see him?
is because i dont want to hate him more if i hear what he has to say.
and i dont want it to come to a point where i cannot forgive at all.
like i said.
i'd prefer to keep a good image of him in my mind.
maybe its also because i dont want to let go.
after all he's still my father.


if anyone asks me if i'm okay one more time.
i'm going to punch that person and break his or her nose.
trust me.
if anyone knows me.
its my most hated question.

he's my father.
and i love him.
so stop telling me what to do.
i'll do what i need to do when i'm ready.
just dont push me.
its not going to make the regret any less.


jesus take the wheel.
take it from my hands.
cause i cant do this on my own.
i'm letting go.
so give me one more chance.
to save me from this road i'm on.
jesus take the wheel.